Red Caps

Not as such a movie review, more an opinion post. In fact this'll be the first opinion post on here since I started it. And since my title does say reviews and opinions i should really put one up. This post is a review on shit films and they're titles, specifically red cap films.

By red cap films I mean any movie who's title is emblazoned across the posters in simple arial font, all in caps and coloured red, occasionally in a 3d effect, but more than usually not. There's a whole host of these films coming out, multiples of the bastards every year. Most of the time they include at least one member of the American 'frat pack' (Adam Sandler, Owen Wilson, Vince Vaughn, Ben Stiller et. al), or as I like to call them, the one trick ponies. This constant shlock of crass, childish humour erupts into our cinemas, sucked up by idiots in their hundreds of thousands who seem to believe these are good, funny films. Not to say crude humour can't be good, but it depends how you wield it. Having somebodies severed foreskin fall into somebodies soup for example, isn't particularly funny. Whereas in Peter Greenaway's 'The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and Her Lover', Michael Gambon's character is so rude and disgusting, but it's executed perfectly, making it much funnier than Adam Sandler getting kicked in the nuts by a dwarf, or whatever.

American Pie. when that film came out I loved it, thought it was brilliant. But in the years that followed I found the jokes less and less funny, although it could still be said to be a measure post of how to make a funny red cap film, it's much better than most of the stuff that has come out following in recent years. It's a shame they spoilt it with sequel after sequel, spin off after spin off. The jokes were rude, the situations were ridiculous, but there was an underlying reason as to why it was funny. These were kids soon to graduate wanting to get their rocks off, and although arguably a bit too old to just be discovering sex as the film portrays, there was a basis. In the films of new; Big Daddy, Anger Management, Chuck and Larry blah blah blah it's just rude for the hell of it. As soon as it nears summer these filmed are crapped all over the television, internet etc. Usually with Adam Sandler on the front, playing the repetitive likable but flawed goon, Will Ferrel playing one of his million identical different characters, Ben Stiller attempting an almost Graham Chapman feeling of seriousness despite the surrounding situation (albeit badly), Vince Vaughn generally being an arse and Owen Wilson playing the simpering, nice and somewhat camp, Texan.

Blurgh, I don't want to see these characters doing the same old same old, over and over again in different films, in fact I don't want to see them at all. I don't agree with pirating films, it destroys diversity in films. But if there were any films that should only be sold as pirated copies it would be these red caps, just so the actors would get sweet f.a. and hopefully fuck off into the night. Attached to this post there is a list of some red cap films. Most of you out there would argue with me and say they were genuinely funny films and that I'm a bloated twat with illusions that I know what's best. The latter may be true, but. These. Aren't. Funny.

Also note I'm not singling out these films alone, there's too many out there for me to stick on this list. Also some of the frat pack et. al have gone without a full red cap title for their films, 50 First Dates as an example. Don't fall for it, they're the same as all the others, shit.

silver screen

a long long loooong time ago i came back from the cinema fuming at all the idiots sharing the room with me. i'm not sure why i even go to cinemas, i tend to spend more time thinking about how to seriously hurt somebody using the snacks i've bought (straw rammed down the ear, popcorn forced into their eyeballs etc.) then concentrating on the film. in one case telling a 6 1/2 foot monkey to shut up during children of men which nearly got me going home folded up in the cars glove box. anyway after seeing whatever film it was i went home and wrote these silver screen rules out.

1. if you feel the need to eat sweets during a film, don't bring single wrapped sweets or anything in a plastic packet. you might not find the noise irritating, but the 6 or so surrounding seats will

2. don't bring your children, they won't be interested and will just irritate everyone else

3. seats = sitting, not kicking

4. if you really aren't enjoying the film and are waiting for the credits to start rolling so you can loudly declare 'this is the biggest waste of my money', don't. simply get up and walk out. people will love you more.

5. everyone hates a fidigter, just don't. sit on your hands if you have too. hell eat them for all i care. just. don't. move.

6. there's nearly half an hour of trailers for shampoo and cars before the start of the film, can't you turn your mobile off then?

7. don't talk, just shut up. if you really need to talk, why come to the cinema? (trailers excluded, jabber away all you want)

8. you might think the comments you snigger away to your friends during the film make you clever, insightful and witty, really you're just a loud mouth berk.

9. when getting into the cinema late be concious of other around you. or, to be less of an irritation, get there on time.

10. if you've solved the plot of think you've alraedy got the films twist, keep it to yourself. your friends won't like you more for telling them, quite the opposite. instead allow yourself a self-satisfied smile if you're right. smiles don't make noise

and as a bit of self-whoring, here's an image i shopped up from scratch to do with the rules. better quality image can be found on my sister site here.

ha, i lied. actually it's here

HSA loony

another advert, another insane women. this time it's HSA's turn to mock the mental stability of the female gender. advert plot: women sitting in her car with husband and children, wondering about their health problems, now and in the future. each time she makes a comment about a family member and their well being her little sock puppet pops up and talks to her saying, 'hey, just say'. clearly a sign of insanity. she's oblivious to the fact it's her SODDING HAND that's talking to her, it's all perfectly normal. maybe you should add 'psychiatric wellbeing' to your list of health problems me dear.

the rise of mentaly unbalanced women in adverts can mean only one of a few things. 1) there's a lot of mysoginistic men out there in advertising land. 2) this is revenge for the 'men are all cocks' campaign that's been going on in the last year or two (see charlie brooker for more details). or 3), women are really all insane and adverts are starting to admit this.

joel schumacher's '8mm'

i first saw (most of this film) when i was about 13. i had recently been given my first tv for my birthday and so i spent most nights in my bedroom trawling the channels until the early hours of the morning. typically ending up on bravo hoping to find some soft core porn. i discovered 8mm on channel 4 (mainly because bravo was broadcasting some car program instead of large silicon breasted women performing simulated sex). and the memory of this film has stayed with me since. discovering the urban myth of snuff followed by raw visceral imagery certainly leaves an impression on you, espcially when you've only recently learnt that a lesbian isn't a type of cat like i had suspected (thanks for the info bravo).

i should perhaps mention that snuff is seen as the most extreme of fetishes, shrouded in mystery and commonly believed to be an urban myth. it's main premise being to rape a woman then slaughter her on camera. cheery no?

now, i don't like nicholas cage. it's not that he's a bad character actor, it's just that he can only play one character, nicholas cage. also whenever he has a go at being funny it's more embarrasing and cringe worthy then humourous. case in point, his gags in 'gone in 60 seconds'. this places him in my personal table of 'unfuny and unbendingly singular character actors' up there with adam sandler and keanu 'if i had two more legs i'd be a table' reeves. although in defense cage and sandler have both performed in good indie films where they've managed to break away from their pidgeon-holed hollywood existance. 'punch drunk love' in sandler's case and 'adaptation' (an ironic name) in cage's. anyway back to the title of this, so far ranting, blog, 8mm.

as, painstakingly, detailed above i don't like cage, but this is one of his rare gems, probably in part because the script writer didn't give him any 'funnies' to say. not that this is a comedy, in fact it's one of the darkest films to come out of hollywood. the story focuses around a rich women who finds a snuff film in her recently deceased husband's stash and sends private detective cage off to see if the film is real and whether or not the victim truly died. as such cage embarks to discover the truth, during which he learns of the darker side of human sexuality. as such there is a fair amount of graphic imagery and background props throughout the film. from; asphyxiation, mutilation, enemas, bondage, rape, peadophilia and of course the core of the film, snuff.

cage's character evolves through the film. the first time he watches the 8mm film he can barely stomach it, constantly averting his eyes in revulsion. however the more he watches it for his investigation the more relaxed he becomes, despite the increasing concern that the film may be real. in one scene cage is sitting on his hotel bed, smoking and on the phone to his wife while the 8mm loops itself in front of him. it's not as such that he comes to enjoy or even except this extremism of sex, that would be an entirely different film and would never of been released, but he becomes acclimatized to it. it doesn't effect him as much as it would of before.

we also see that it starts to affect certain aspects of his character, something joaqeen's....whackeee....pheonix's character picks up on. after both returning from a search through the darkest bowels of the sex markets pheonix asks cage if the stuff he saw turned him on. to which he denies most strongly. but it's countered when pheonix points out that it didn't exactly turn him off either, a strong suggestion as to how cage is changing.

later on we can see how cage has changed. when he returns to new york for his revenge , he asks the mum of the deceased girl if she wants him to kill the men who slaughtered her daughter. he starts off asking her for her consent, a yes or no, then swiftly changing to ask if she loved her daughter. when the mum obviously answers yes he also takes it as consent to murder the, i suppose we could call them, perverts. but it's not just for the mum, and it's not because of his strong moral ethic either, that's been broken down from what he's been exposed too. he's also doing it for pure near sexual pleasure.

in the final shot of the film when cage is clearing leaves off his lawn he looks up to meet the eyes of his wife. we can see how haunted he looks, he's tasted forbidden fruit and it'll stay with him for the rest of his life.

one of the touches in the film i really liked was when machine removes the gimp mask and we finally see his face. and what do we encounter? the monster is a balding middle age man who you wouldn't think twice of if you passed him in the street. he admits he wasn't disturbed as a child and he's not mentally degenerate, he just loves to hurt people. and if you ask me, that's a fucking terrifying idea!

so in the sum-up, a well crafted film, very dark and atmospheric, the mise-en-scene gritty throughout, to reflect the depravity people can sink down too. not on par, or even really close, in disturbing cinematography of the likes of irreversible, but certainly one to watch if you want to see the sort of things hollywood can occasionaly bring to fruitiion. also need a special mention for using come to daddy by aphex twin, a classy song that fits the scenes in the film perfectly. one of only gripes with the film, except that it has cage in it, was that they should of gone with their first choice of director, david fincher. sorry schumacher but i can't help imagine how much astonishing this would of been with the man behind se7en, zodiac and fight club directing it.

coming soon, not a clue! it could be fear and loathing in las vegas, it could be a hitchcock, it depends which one i pull off my shelf first.

children of men

this isn't like my previous movie reviews, this one was done for my A level media course in summer 2oo7. to say the least i'm rather proud of it. without further explanation (because it's a large document in itself) here's what i wrote.

Modern Dystopian Films Seem to Have Moved Away from Their Cult Status and Now Occupy a Place in the Mainstream. Discuss with Reference to Children of Men

Introduction

Dystopian film, the sub-genre of sci-fi, has featured in films since the beginning of the 20th century. Dystopians are typically characterised by their bleak vision of the future, either through totalitarianistic states, post-apocalyptic events, or even a change in society that has alienated people that, in contrast to our civilisation, makes them inhumane. The number of dystopian films has grown each decade, along with their popularity. This may be because advancements in special effects has made it easier to create locations and technology seen in films, or even because fear has grown in our society due to the varied development of media texts. Despite their negative storylines, less than appealing visions of the future, and non-Hollywood endings, their appeal is still growing. In recent years they have moved away from their ‘cult’ status and into mainstream cinema. ‘Children of Men’ is a good example of a new age dystopian. Through it’s filming techniques, attention to detail, relevance to our current political climate, social commentary and it’s modestly hopeful ending, it has become a film which can be watched by a larger and more accessible audience than it’s predecessors

Social Commentary

One of the main reasons dystopians exist is any text is to convey a message to the receiving audience. Dystopian novels were written because the author has observed, or believed they have observed an injustice or unbalanced social responsibility in the system, a problem that they believe will escalate into a catastrophe that would change our futures for the worst. ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’ by Margaret Atwood was a protest of equal rights in 1980’s America, a male dominated society that could one day revoke all the rights they were forced to give to women. George Orwell’s ‘1984’ was a novel against Stalinist communism and the looming threat of totalitarianism Russia. ‘A Clockwork Orange’ by Anthony Burgess was focused on the growing violent youth gangs forming in the 60’s, separated into Mods and Rockers, put placing it in a not-too-distant future with split becoming greater so that most groups only consist of a few members.

Dystopian films are usually made for the same reasons as the novels they are adapted from. Films, however, focus more on the elements that affect the modern audience. By decade dystopians have followed a trend. In the 1950’s and 60’s the threat of the cold war and totalitarianistic governments was hanging over the US and Western Europe. ‘On the beach’ (1959, Stanley Kramer) was a film about the last days of man after a nuclear war. ‘Fahrenheit 451’ (1966, Francois Truffaut) was a film where reading was banned and a fascist state controlled all. In the 70’s the fear of environmental degradation and over population inspired films such as ‘Soylent Green’ (1973, Richard Fleischer) and ‘Silent Running’ (1972, Douglas Trumbull). The 80’s was a technological fear, with ‘Terminator’ (1984, James Cameron) and Blade Runner (1982, Ridley Scott) being the most notable. Interestingly the 90’s lacked dystopian films. This may suggest the stability of the 90’s, or even a social disregard or political apathy. However, it’s important to note that not all dystopian films followed these decade trends. These films not only played on the audiences heightened fear, but also tried to make people realise the real threat that our civilisation may be heading towards.

Çuaron also does this in ‘Children of Men’, taking the current moral panics in the nation, and using them to create a meaningful film which explains, in a much more visual way than any other media text, the threats our society is moving into. Çuaron includes messages of violent youths, racism, patriotism, religion, governmental subterfuge and Islamic terrorism. In the film two youths kill the leader of their own renegade group to cause a re-shuffle of power. When one of the bikers is accidentally killed by Theo, his friend vows to take revenge on him. Near the end of ‘Children of Men’ the biker has the chance to deliver retribution to Theo, but before he does he calmly and coldly shoots an innocent man in the head. The way he swaggers, hums a tune and calmly turns his head so he can see the damage the bullet will do to the mans brain suggests at the inbred violence in this youth. Analysis of the biker suggests a lot about the current violence bred into our youths and society. When you take into account the approximate age of the biker, around early twenties, and the date when infertility occurred world wide, this youth was born in the first decade of the new millennium. Most personality traits originate from childhood. The biker was born when violent crime is on the rise and violence in the media is commonplace, this suggests a lot about our current society and out apathy for suffering and pain.

Man’s fear of the afterlife tends to manifest when somebody close to us dies, or when our own demise is near. With all of humanities extinction certain within the next century a lot of new cults and religious sects have appeared. Clive Owen’s character, Theo, and Michael Caine’s, Jasper, briefly discuss a couple of well known religious cults. One such cult sit on their knees for a month and the other flagellate themselves, both groups begging for mercy from god for the crimes of mankind. The desperateness and selfishness of humans and their fear of death has made create new religions and sects to find a way to save themselves, when most of them had no care or belief in religion before.

At the start of the film the coffee shop Theo had only just left explodes, killing almost everybody inside. When Theo travels with Jasper to his secluded house they discuss the bombing incident. Jasper’s belief is that the government plants the bombs themselves, using the excuse of terrorism to drag the spotlight away from their mis-endeavours. With the July 7th bombing only a year behind at the time of the films release, it’s questions the credibility and trust we place in our infallible government. Could our own government be involved in similar actions, or is it really terrorists?

The government supports racism, with civilians told to report anybody they believe not to be British Nationals. Immigrants or refugees, known in the film as ‘fugees’, and rounded up to be placed in camps. With constant panic over the amount of immigrants living in England and the numbers increasing every year it’s not surprising that a large portion of the film focuses on ‘fugees’. Çuaron takes the British opinion of ‘fugees’ one step further then it currently is, with the army and police having little compassion for them, the way they’re collected in cages on street sides, waiting to be sent to camps. It’s not hard to believe the UK travelling down this road.

Although all this extra information adds little to the plot of the film, it gives it depth, prevents it from being a two dimensional world solely focused on the plot. It allows the audience to analyse our own society within the film.

Reality

Dystopians have always held the reputation of ‘cult’, either because of their unpleasant endings, alternative plots, lack of media coverage or simply because they are purposefully aimed at a narrow margin audience. One of the major reasons for their lack of popularity is the realism portrayed in the film. THX 1138 (1971, George Lucas) is a film that has almost no basis on the reality of our society. Set in an underground city where humans are given numbers instead of names, made to consume tranquilisers as part of their diet, robotic masturbation systems are used for sexual release and people are told to buy pointless items to keep industry running. THX 1138 is a film that is focused more on symbolism rather than plot or reality.

Unlike most dystopians where there are only one or two explanations as to why the world has changed drastically from our own, Çuaron has more then one explanation. Although infertility plays a large role in the downfall of humanity, it’s not the only event to happen, we learn that Theo and his ex-wife, Julian, attended large protests against the Iraq War when they were young. A nuclear bomb was detonated in Africa, floods of immigrants have fled from their own war torn countries to England, only to be rounded up and sent to concentration camps, racism is promoted by the government and there is speculation whether terrorist bombs in London are planned by extremists, or by the government themselves and a pandemic in 2010 (a current hot topic with the growing fear of avian flu) has destroyed a large part of the worlds population.

Using all these aspects of political, military, environmental and social downfall, Çuaron creates richly detailed and solid world, its attention to detail makes it a lot more frighteningly realistic. Its references to the Iraq war and the terrorist exploits of Muslim fanatics immediately give us something to relate to. It seems that even if the infertility problem didn’t occur it wouldn’t make much difference to the state of the world, a thought shared by Theo in a discussion with Jasper,

‘The whole world went to shit even before the baby crisis for fucks sake’

The use of well-known locations such as Regent Street also helps the audience relate to the film. By making the well known street look run down and full of black rubbish bags, we can see how low the country is sinking if one of the cleanest and most famous streets in London is full of filth.

Çuaron’s choice in camera angles and filming style greatly affects the realism of the film. Referring back to THX 1138, George Lucas’ use of camera style, stable long shots and cold lighting creates a distanced feeling between the audience and the film. Children of Men is filmed completely with hand held camera’s, every shot shakes and Çuaron tries to keep the shots at eye level. One scene where Theo watches his friend die whilst hiding in the forest is shot from a long distance. We see the shot from about the same distance as Theo does. Relating to the film is easier for the audience because Çuaron has almost lent us the use of eyes, instead of a camera. In the war town street of the ‘fugee’ camp we run along behind Theo, we hide in rubble as bullets thud into the wall behind. We feel like we are experiencing what the characters are living through. The mixture of events, filming style and location helps the audience relate to the film, and the hopeful ending is less likely to effect people in a negative way once they’ve left the cinema.

Psychology of Audience/Happy Endings

Hollywood is famous for it’s happy endings, a tradition that dystopians classically ignore. ‘1984’ (1984, Michael Radford), ‘Eraser Head’ (1977, David Lynch) and ‘Brazil’ (1985, Terry Gilliam) are all examples of negative films. In fact, Terry Gilliam’s ‘Brazil’ had such a negative ending the studio feared they wouldn’t make a profit and re-edited the film to create the infamous ‘Happily Ever After’ version. Other dystopians decided to use the negative end format, but much more subtly, for example, in Soylent Green Charleton Heston’s character manages to tell his superior officer, along with a church full of homeless people the secret behind Soylent Green. However, the audience already knows that without Soylent Green, the food supplies wouldn’t be able to support the population. Despite the hope of the character, dramatic irony means that the audience understands the earth has reached such a state that it can never heal or repair fully. Humanity is nearing its end.

As discussed, directors usually end dystopians on a sad or despairing action. This is a moral challenge to the audience. Dystopians question our lifestyles, social aspects or even political apathy and the depravity that may spawn from them if we continue in our current habits. If the characters experience a positive ending, the entire impact of the film would be destabilised. A negative ending gives the audience ‘food for thought’ when they leave the cinema. We question our society, are we doing enough to prevent a situation like this, morally, politically and industrially? The seminal question which begins all of these being, ‘could this really happen to us?’

A dystopians effect on the audience is greatly increased by the relevance of the character to modern society, if they share our morals and ideologies. In Equilibrium the hero, John Preston believes people should be allowed access to their emotions. Although eh understands the pain and problems that emotions can inflict on people, he believes them to be well worth it. Dupont, however, believes the opposite. Without emotions people are joined in unity, war is forgotten and peace reins supreme, albeit at a costly price. Although both sides of the argument have valid points today’s audience would almost unanimously flock to the Hero’s point of view. We believe being emotionless would remove what makes us human.

Another reason that dystopians have never been in the mainstream is because of audience denial. When we watch these films and we see the events currently surrounding our society and how they have created these nightmarish worlds, we don’t like it. People don’t like the thought that we’re destroying our children’s future. It’s similar when the news is broadcasting information about a murder or rape, we deny the thought that it could happen to us, it’s something that only happens to other people. This is belief is shared when people watch a dystopian film, we deny the idea that the events could ever possibly happen to us, and the easiest way to reinforce this is to ignore the film, or hate it.


Genres

In the last decade cinema has become more varied. With Holly Wood drying out of original ideas many more independent and foreign films are entering the cinema. With their increase in popularity Holly Wood has also begun to experiment, not just with stories, but with directors as well. As Holly Wood in the 60’s began to hand cameras over to newer and younger directors and a new wave of cinema began, Holly Wood is beginning to hand cameras, and budgets, to independent directors. Çuaron Çuaron, with only a few films underneath his belt, and one of them being a Mexican

One of the current experiments occurring in cinema is the amalgamation of clichéd genres, comedy with horror, action with drama; directors are constantly playing with traditional genres. A modern example is Shaun Of The Dead. Shaun of the Dead used the plot of a typical zombie film, defend and wait for rescue, and then mixed in the romantic comedy genre.

This crossover of genres could also be another explanation as to why Children of Men and other modern dystopians have moved into the mainstream. At a quick glance the last big three dystopians are; ‘The Matrix’, ‘V for Vendetta’ and Children of Men. Each of these films used a genre crossing technique. The Matrix and V for Vendetta crossed over sci-fi dystopian with action. The blend of technological, social and environmental events surrounding the past of these worlds, along with their ‘high-octane’ action made them hugely popular at the box office. They also had a large effect on the way people looked at technology and their government. When the matrix was released people began to question reality, and whether AI was, and is, a good idea, and how far we should let it evolve. After v for vendetta was released newspapers began to compare events in the film to what is happening in our current society. With several newspapers warning Tony Blair to be careful!

Children of Men, although having several action sequences, is focused on the traditional British drama. This is one of the reasons why Çuaron was able to create a world much richer and deeper than either of the Wachowski Brother’s films. By giving the film time to focus on characters relationships and their emotions, we have a better understanding why they do what they do. Çuaron’s ability to create a more detailed and believable world than most previous dystopians using a mixture of techniques and genres has made it more accessible to a larger audience that it’s predecessors. We have dramatic scenes where Theo and Jasper are sitting and discussing their situations in life, in typical dramatical dialogue. However, near the end of the film we are thrown into scenes that could of come from Saving Private Ryan.

Conclusion

As the above evidence suggests there is no single reason why dystopian films have grown in popularity in the last few decades. It has been a mixture of technique, social and moral panic, plotline and relevance to our modern society. These elements have moved dystopians out of their old niche and into a larger audience. The problem is, if there are more dystopians being released, will they lose their edge and effect on people, and most important, the whole point of their creation?

that nutjob in the specsaver ad

has anyone else watched that new specsavers ad where the daft, if milfy, mum accidentally sets her turkey alight instead of the pudding? very clever add i suppose but with one major problem with it, and that is, why would she be serving the pudding before the turkey anyway?

my answer, she's a fucking fruit loop. just think she had no problem placing those other christmassy foods on the table, plus locating the brandy and match, so there can't be much wrong with her eyes. she's a loony. we don't see anyone else in the advert, plus there's a decided lack of general christmassy jollities in the background, which suggests to me she's on her own. my belief is that her whole family died in a freak accident of some kind, let's say drive by shooting, which caused her to drop a few mental pounds. result, insane old lady on her own christmas day wandering about the house with a turkey on fire.

mad cow

that spice girls add

i have to say i do enjoy that new spice girl advert for tesco. not that i like the spice girls what so ever. working in a dvd and record store means we get that sort of shite pumped through the speakers day in day out in order to promote our chart cds. if not the spice girls than high school musical soundtrack (my brain has recently turned to mush thanks to that fucking album). no i like it because of it's subtle analysis of the individual spice girls just before their regrouping, i think it sheds light on why they've got back together.

the advert starts off with that sticky, wobbly hipped one sauntering into tesco, as if somehow shopping in the supermarket would account for a sexy gait. first thing she does is go up to the dude in store and he suggests ipods, basically ignoring who she is becuase this mans obviously got common sense and realises he could easily squash 500 out of those lanky leather clad hips no problem. of course it's not just the wobbly one in the store, all five of them are. the curly haired union jack one, the stupid fringe one who failed at being a punk if i remember her first post-spice girl song correctly, the busty one who married someone famous then it all cocked up, and the other one.

as to the reason to why the spice girls have been stuck back together in order the insult the ears of the general public... wobbly arse has tons of cash, as we see from her buying ipods for her 'girlfriends'. in her case it's for the fame, expressed as such when she pretends to pose on a television in her fly glasses (by which i don't mean wickidy wickidy wack kind of fly, more the eyes of the pesky insect). she's doing it for fame darrrling, as a solo artist we all saw, and heard, how shite her music is, so by getting back with the other ones means she can't be singled out for being crap. the other four are much more simple, they're skint. whilst 'she who can disappear by turning sideways' buys ipods the other four have had to raid their kids piggy banks in order to buy over sized cardigans each worth about a fiver, crap toys and novelty gifts for their 'girlfriends'. afterall, why else would the other four be shopping in tesco if they had tons of cash? they'd be in harrods buying the identical items for an extra 150 quid a pop.

nice one tesco, increasing sales through getting the spice girls to flaunt your wares, and at the same time mocking all five of them. i likes it