how tv works

DEVELOPMENT HEAD: Right, we need a new prime time TV show since X Factor's finished. Anybody got any ideas?

DEVELOPMENT URCHIN: I've got one for you boss.

HEAD: Alright then, lets lay the sandwich and see if the snake bites (or whatever fucking bollocks business types use instead of real English nowadays).

URCHIN: Right its basis is around parents' whose children have recently died. We get them to perform poems and memorandums that they've written for their dead kids in front of an audience. Obviously we'd have the sob story before each contestant, how the kids died, lots of piano music, teary close ups, that sort of thing.

HEAD: This is sounding a bit.....

URCHIN: Ah ha, that's not all though. During the parents 'act' on stage the audience can buzz them off if they think it's crap, based on a majority vote. The parent with the best performance gets through to the next round. This way there's an element of competition, the public always loves that, it gives them a chance to pick their favourite griever. Eventually the winner gets a publishing contract, maybe even a film based on their child's death, if we can swing it with the Film 4 that is. They'll do any old shit.

HEAD: That sounds horrible, we can't do that!

URCHIN: But....

HEAD: No.

URCHIN: Wha-

HEAD: No, and that's final.

URCHIN:..................................

HEAD:..................................

URCHIN:......................

HEAD:......................

URCHIN:...........

HEAD:...........

URCHIN: What if we get Simon Cowell to be a judge that calls the contestants cunts?

HEAD: ..........Simon Cowell you say?

URCHIN: *grinning* Yep.

HEAD:................
..................
.............
........
....
..
.
I love it!




I give it three years....